Sad Sad Sea Horse

I don't know what it is. Could it be jealousy? No not that. Longing? No, not that either. It's more discontent of some sort. My life is so different now, and I"m at that point where the things I want are still far away from reach, and what I had is no longer mine. I just wish I didn't feel so lonely. Like I'm leaving behind people, but no one is reaching out for me. People judge me. They think that I'm fake, because I'm materialistic. They don't know me at all. Material goods are great, I love make up, I love clothes, yeah I can endorse in superficial things, but when it comes down to everything, I'm still human, I'm still real! I have real feelings, real dreams, goals, wants, needs. But I'm at that point where I rather splurge and invest in material goods, then people, because people always let me down. The only times make up lets me down is when they break me out or cause an allergic reaction, they never let me down, cause me heart ache, bring tears to my eyes, unless you count getting mascara into them... I guess it's pathetic and sad that I put my feelings into such material items, but they're always there.. no matter what, I'll have them, but I can't say the same for everyone in my life.